Conversion (a poem by Holly Ordway)


by Holly Ordway

A twitch upon the thread, and here I stand,
Pausing at this door. I wish that I
Could look aside, or back away, pretend
I don’t see where this threshold leads, deny
The summons and the sudden urgency
That blows away as so much useless chaff
My nonchalant excuses for delay.
I thought I had control, I was in charge,
Until I followed truth, which led me here,
Where I both want and fear to enter in.
I must lay down my arms, that much is clear;
But this is not the end. Here I begin –
For where else could I go if I retreat?
What better victory win than this defeat?


Image by Tom Darin Liskey

Ordway author photoHolly Ordway is Professor of English and a faculty member in the M.A. in Apologetics at Houston Baptist University; she holds a PhD in English from the University of Massachusetts Amherst. She is the author of Apologetics and the Christian Imagination: An Integrated Approach to Defending the Faith (Emmaus Road, 2017) and Not God’s Type: An Atheist Academic Lays Down Her Arms (Ignatius, 2014). Dr Ordway is also a published poet, and a Subject Editor for the Journal of Inklings Studies. Her academic work focuses on the writings of the Inklings, especially C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien. Her current book project is Tolkien’s Modern Sources: Middle-earth Beyond the Middle Ages (forthcoming from Kent State University Press, 2019). Her website is <>